“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
There comes a time in everyone’s life when we come face to face with unavoidable circumstances that cause grief. Be it a loss of a loved one, a beloved home companion – canine or what-not, having to say goodbye to our home, a promotion at work that was surprisingly give to someone else.. the list is never-ending.
But I feel the worst kind of grief would be when we lose someone we love; when we are faced with the other’s mortality. I know for a fact, that everyone deals and heals from this dreaded emotion in his or her own way. The death of a loved one is something hard to process.
I am aware of the Stages of Grief – also aware these stages do not necessarily happen in numerical order. And without a clear timeline of when exactly we can heal or be back to our old selves. like a step into the abyss…
So this blog is merely meant as a sharing – of suggestions and ideas of self-care.
Grief is a natural part of the human experience. Crying really helps! Do all the crying you need. After spending some moments, or hours letting the tears roll down – there is a bit of clear relief felt; some of the heaviness seems to have left.
Then the irritability follows, and at times – temper tantrums (could this be the anger stage mixed with the denial stage? wait, where did the bargaining stage go? ..)
Depending on your circumstances, just allow yourself to feel. I clearly noticed that the onset of grief seems to be accompanied by some weird form of numbness.
“Grief is one of the cruellest experiences of humanity, just keep them company through it in the best way you can.”
No remedy or quick fix, but mindful grieving might be a good tool to apply and use.
Mindful grieving allows us to FEEL without judging ourselves. The practice reminds us that it is alright, it’s normal to feel as we do.
The great thing about mindful grieving is that it reminds us that all this pain, all this sorrow – al these is impermanent. It will last not forever!
Knowing this, makes some of the need to avoid our grief starts to diminish.
This is not an easy feat – it will definitely take a whole lot of effort and practice. But each day it will get easier. You realize that this is but a normal way of how you can approach the world. Knowing it will get better – gives you hope.
Mindful grieving reminds us that what we are feeling is NORMAL, that we are Normal.
Through the process of grief, mindful grieving keeps us aware that this feeling is consuming our minds. Awareness is key. and so is control.. So whenever you are caught at the very edge of that imaginary cliff – mindful grieving could pull you back up to safety. You get to control the amount of time you spend wallowing –
- It is OK to feel these and they will not last forever as all things come and go. Do what would make you feel even the slightest bit better – talk to a photo; cling to his favourite clothing, do whatever! It is OK!
- Find a good friend. Our friend usually gets a bit weird when we are faced with death, This really seems to be how friends are when someone is grieving for fear of not knowing the right words to say or the proper approach. I distinctly remember being on “the other side of the fence” a few years ago when a dear friend’s young son passed because of leukaemia. Though we were doing regular de-stressing weekend night-outs just a month or two before this tragedy – I found myself at a total loss of how and what to say. I, of course, called my friend – but I felt completely useless – my remedy for this; I wrote this dear friend a letter. All of a sudden, you as the friend – you’re in the realization that there’s nothing you really can do, or say that would make this situation less hurtful. Years later – exactly a year ago, I lost a loved one. And yes, I do understand why some of my friends are giving me a lot of space. But still reminding me that there are there if I need them.
- Take extra care of yourself specially if you do not have a partner or relative to look after you, go for a stroll often, get tons of fresh air, try to eat healthily! Your favourite foods could do wonders at this time. Take plenty of fluids, try to limit alcohol and caffeine – this could be hard for some cultures – but these are merely suggestions with your good health in mind. Take a multivitamin. There are some goodgrievingfood.
- Altruism it could help you to move through grief. Volunteer or help a favourite charity or cause. A lot of people go into serious volunteer work to overcome the hurt of a recent loss. Some give a lot of time energy towards to person’s cause or charity – to give special homage to this person. Often, a person’s will contains specifications on how to go about continuing support for charities they have either started or have a significant impact on while still alive.
- Find a support group – it helps a lot to be listened to, to be surrounded by people who will really listen and understand. The ever-changing emotions we experience with grief can catch us off guard. Find one that will help you simply help you get through each day
Above all, this is the perfect time to start treating yourself with more love and kindness. With helping as the main goal, this should come naturally. Take time away from stressful work, you’ll soon find out getting yourself engulfed in even more excruciating stress will prohibit you from achieving a goal of healing from grief.
Trying to avoid it and thinking there will be a better time to address it will not work either – best to face it now, while it’s fresh. Just like any traumatic experience that happened eons ago, which we chose not to process and simply shoved aside in a corner of our mind – best not to add up to to the countless ghosts that already haunt us.
Grief is like an ailment that consumes over us, it puts us all in a ‘cloud-like’ state – it can numb our senses, disrupt our otherwise, balanced way of being. Acknowledge its presence – and know there is a way to overcome it. And it will soon get easier.
Know that YOU are important right now. And trust that the sooner you start that long trek toward healing, the sooner you reach your destination.
For Those Who Prefer to Listen: What’s Your Grief Podcasts
We don’t “move on”
For Those Who Want to Read: mindfulnessapproachtohealing
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